I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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