Say something about gay babies.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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