Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
