he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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