oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize