after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
