Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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