he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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