If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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