Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will be naked everywhere
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
