just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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