we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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