I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
