there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
