I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my phone needs a breathalizer
time to smoke my breakfast
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We had sex on a dog bed..
Randomize
