Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
