He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
