took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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