It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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