can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
