My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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