she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
