I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How drunk are you?
Completed.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
