do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
