I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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