Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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