Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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