he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
