May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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