How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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