I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
