You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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