Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
