the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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