you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
