shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Damn victory sex feels great
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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