Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
