If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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