My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pants are for mortals
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
