have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize