you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
