it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
