hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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