I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
pop tarts are not kleenex
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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