i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize