I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize