we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
