life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
