Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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