If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
