We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize