the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
