do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
