Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
