Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am spending my child support on dildos
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
