the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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