i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
