just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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