I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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