my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
