I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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