I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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