airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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