Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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