I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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