no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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