I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
