I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
