Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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