Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
