First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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