Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
