You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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