If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
