If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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