i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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