YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
