Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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