i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
