I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
