Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you inspire me to be a worse person
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
