her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
