There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize