My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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