My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize