The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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