yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize