i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
