my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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