wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
