gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
