Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
