I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
